Where to Even Start

I truly don't have any idea where to start with you tonight, so forgive me if I seem even more stream of consciousness than usual!

First (In an attempt to organize my many thoughts over the weekend), I will tell you about Church this morning!  I attended Truro Anglican Church with a friend, and was overwhelmed by the beauty of the service!  Matt Maher and Audrey Assad led worship at the beginning, and the music truly touched my core.  I could feel the real and true presence of God with me as I sang my little heart out! Right now, I couldn't tell you what we sang, or even any of the lyrics.  All I can tell you is that I was right there in God's presence for a while!  And then, the sermon - preached be none other than Christopher West - brought me even higher.  He spoke of the misery of the human condition, and of the promise that comes after that.  And this was so special to me.  My dark period, I feel was that misery, that horror that comes from being separated from God.  I was searching for so long, and hadn't found what I so desperately needed! But now, I have found the true HOPE that is Jesus Christ!

As a tiny little aside note, I finally understood why a dear friend of mine is always singing! Mr. West's opinions on singing was beyond me, and not anything I have ever been able to understand.  I have always been guarded in using my voice! But she is not the slightest bit shy at at - West paraphrased author Victor Hugo in saying, "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words."  She is so joyful all the time, a song is literally always on her voice! I LOVE THIS!!!!

As crazy an idea as this is, I want to be married to my God.  Who better can romance me, and give me the desires of my heart?  He alone can fulfill all my longings and needs.  I've already tried everything that society suggest will fill those.  I've tried alcohol, I've tried sex, I've tried material possessions, and they fill you for a moment and then leave you with a craving for more that becomes insatiable.  They are simply not enough to fill you.  Only God can do that! I sought my identity in a human relationship, and ended up losing a large part of myself as a result.  How much better would it be to seek my identity in a true relationship with Him?

Another revelation that came to me this weekend is how terrified I am of love.  I dread hearing someone say to me, "I love you."  Those words to me have always made the inevitable separation that comes within a human relationship so much harder.  I've been given the promise of love before, and left hurting and empty.  So consequently, when someone says to me, "I love you," I hear "You're good enough for right now, but eventually, I will just move on."  And I scoff.  I hate hearing those words.  They have become empty and meaningless to me.  And I know how warped and twisted this view is.  I've become that person who is entirely cynical of even the idea of love.  I am enthralled by the prospect of it, but terrified by the practice.  But after this weekend, I know that love, if done correctly, can truly be a good and true and beautiful thing.  So I am going to strive to truly change my beliefs and opinions of love!

So these are just a few of my simple thoughts that came to me over this incredible and amazing weekend! God Bless! <3