John Paul II

Can I say just how much I LOVE this man?  I honestly believe he is in Heaven, rejoicing with Our Lord.  I also believe that there has also never been a spiritual leader that means as much to me as this man does.  Even from a young age, I was brought up LOVING Pope John Paul II.  Along with the rest of the Catholic Church, I deeply mourned his passing.  I still remember the moment when it was announced that he had passed, and the dissatisfaction and discontentment with the idea that anyone other than Pope John Paul II was going to be leading the Church I was a part of.  I knew he had something right.  He was so charismatic, reached out to all denominations, reached the youth.  And, an aspect about him I wish I had discovered long ago, he formulate the Theology of the Body teachings.

Tonight, I attended a seminar on JPII's Theology of the Body teachings.  And it left me dumb-founded.....if only I had discovered this before my train of horrible relationships.  If only I hadn't tried to conform to the world's view of sexuality, and had held onto what I KNEW was correct in my heart.  I feel like had I known what I learned tonight, I may have made significantly different choices in my relationships.  Or maybe not - maybe I needed the exposure and betrayal I've seen.  If it weren't for that, I could still be a lukewarm Catholic.

Just a few tidbits I pulled out of tonight were: That as a human, I have been created with a yearning and a desire for four things - love, union, affirmation, and intimacy.  There are 3 ways to deal with these desires.  To indulge them and become and addict, to repress them and become a stoic, and in a Christian sense of the word, a mystic, who takes these desires and yearnings to Jesus.  And tonight, I realized I used to be the addict, I've swung over to being a stoic, and now I know that this isn't good either! I really need to just take all these desires straight to their source.  God will be able to fill all these longings in me!

At the same time, I know that I will continue to crave a human intimate relationship - and I got plenty of advice on how to make that work when I feel prepared for it! Each partner needs to help push their counterpart  in a sort of exercise towards the infinite and Diving love of God.  Married couples who are living out the Biblical version of marriage should open themselves up towards others and "mentor" them in a sense toward a true and good and beautiful relationship.  And as militant as I have been about avoiding all things Catholic, there was a beautiful Italian priest at this even tonight.  His name was Don Renzo Benetti and I was absolutely enthralled by him.  I have never seen someone so wonderful and beautiful to me.  It was as if he was speaking directly to me! I was so happy with the truth he was speaking, I made a big deal about obtaining a blessing from him.  And he gave it to me and I felt so much peace from it!

 I felt affirmed that I was correct in my religious beliefs.  And at the same time, I am left with so many questions.  The first and foremost of those, is WHY are more Catholics not as impressed by this wonderful theology?  This should be taught to all youth before they even consider a relationship! When am I going to get to implement the majority of this theology in my life? I feel like now I can have a truly fulfilling relationship, if it is with the correct person! And after all the brokenness in my relationships (I am sure I will eventually post about that, but I'm still not okay with putting that chapter of my life down on paper!), it is nice to know that there is the possibility for redemption in that aspect of my life! I mean, I have been told that there is, but I don't think I actually thought that was possible for me! I thought I was too far gone and would never have the kind of relationship that would actually work!

Aaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!! I am so happy I am spazzing out! There is so much hope and joy and fulfillment in me tonight, I feel like I could simply scream!