What Am I Doing?!

I went to the March for Life in Washington D.C. today..... and it was an interesting experience.

I went into the March feeling not on top of my game, and left out and lonely.... and this feeling just carried over throughout the day.

As many of you may know, I am an ex-Catholic.  I left because I found a personal relationship with Jesus, and my life started to turn around.  I was happy and wonderful.  I felt closer to God than I had ever felt.  I didn't realize leaving the Catholic Church could change me so much.  But it did! I started to surround myself with Protestant friends, and to change my lifestyle.  I changed my patterns at home, with my Catholic family, as well.  I put my foot down and refused to attend church with them, choosing to attend a Protestant Church instead.  And this caused some strife with my family.  In case you haven't picked up on it already, my family would FAR prefer that I remain Catholic.

So today at the March, I went with several of my Protestant friends.  But nothing could have prepared me for how I felt this afternoon.  It was like going from a warm, welcoming hot tub into a frigid ice bath.  I was surrounded by Catholics, Catholic priests, brothers, and nuns.  And I was supremely uncomfortable. I felt like they knew exactly what was going through my head!  It felt like they knew that I had "sinned" against the Catholic Church.  And I was terrified.  I started to panic in the crowd, and just wanted to leave!!!

And this started to raise all sorts of questions in my mind: Am I going to Hell for leaving the Catholic Church, like so many Catholics have told me is the case?  Am I destroying my family by refusing to attend church with them? Am I a Catholic, or a Protestant?!  All the prayers being said, and all the images on the banners were so familiar.  Yet, I am happier and better as a Protestant.  It is a battle in me between the familiar, and comfortable and what I know is right and true and correct! And, Why am I feeling guilty for leaving?  Clearly, I have found the better part! I have a PERSONAL relationship with GOD! How cool is that?!

Just my random thoughts for the day!