Running in Relationships

Hello, All my Lovely Friends!  I am SO sorry I haven't posted in a few days! I have been feeling very sick, and spending all my free time in the doctor's offices! But I promise to try harder to write everyday!

  "Lifeline"

Here I am
Drowning in a sea of my own choices
Holdin to a hope by a thread
Yeah
I'm lookin round
I'm callin out, fear pulls me down
When the waters rush over my head

You are my lifeline
You are my rescue
Strength in my weakness
Light in my darkness
You are my safety
Lifter of my head
The air that I need when
I can't seem to breathe in

You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline

How many times
How many turns will it take till I learn
You reach for me in my need
And when I cry I will faithfully find you
When life comes crashin on me

You are my lifeline
You are my rescue
Strength in my weakness
Light in my darkness
You are my safety
Lifter of my head
The air that I need when
I can't seem to breathe in

You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline

Your there in my brokenness
And my distress
My rock when I'm stronger when I'm powerless
You hold me and rush when tides and waters rise

And I always find

You are my lifeline
You are my rescue
Strength in my weakness
Light in my darkness
You are my safety
Lifter of my head
The air that I need when
I can't seem to breathe in

You are my lifeline
You are my rescue
Strength in my weakness
Light in my darkness
You are my safety
Lifter of my head
The air that I need when
I can't seem to breathe in

You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline!

     So, I don't usually promote a whole song, but this song is exactly what I have been needing. Mandisa has really been speaking to my heart lately!  This song hit the nail on the head for me.  

     I grew up Catholic, so Christianity isn't a new concept to me, but the way I am practicing my faith is entirely different from what I am used to.  Growing up, church to me was a mandatory thing.  I went every Sunday, and frequently, every day with my Mom.  After that, church wasn't exciting.  It was never something I looked forward to.  But now, that has all changed.  I cannot wait to be around my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I cannot WAIT to connect with my Savior through worship! My religion is more of a relationship now! 

     And relationships are something I have never been very good at.  If you know my relationship history, you know I don't like to deal with things when they get difficult; I shut down.  Which is where I am spiritually right now.  

     Being sick has really thrown me for a loop.  I got so sick at the beginning of school last year that I had to withdraw.  And now, I'm sick again - and I've missed classes because of it! Every morning, I wake up exhausted and in pain.  And academically, I'm actually worried! I have so many anxieties about feeling the way I feel now - what if I just keep getting worse.  And my doctors don't know why I feel like I do - I am physically exhausted - too exhausted to deal with everything else on my plate.  Consequently, I have really been wondering why God is letting me feel like this.  Why if I am following His will, like I think I am, would He let me suffer?

     But deep down, I know that God knows what is best for me.  He must have some reason I'm feeling like this.  I'm just trying to find out what that is!  And in the meantime, I need to use this struggle as an opportunity to press into Him in my difficulties.  I have not been very good in the last few days at doing my reading, I haven't been praying as much, and I have not been leaning on Him like I should.  I have been putting too little effort into that relationship.  And this may seem like a trivial thing, but if getting sick can throw off my relationship, what else could? And I     don't want ANYTHING to interrupt where I have been going.  

     Jesus has been filling me with His overwhelming Love.  He has placed me in a community that is helping me to grow, and flourish! He has placed all the people I needed right into my lap! It's truly a humbling experience.  I just need to rise up to meet his graces! And tonight, I'm resolving to try even harder to do that!