New Relationships

"All that I need is you - so beautiful"

     This line from Francesca Battistelli's song, "Beautiful, Beautiful" sums up everything I have been feeling lately.

     You know that feeling when you're in a new relationship, and all you want is to spend time with that one special person? Yep, I thought so.  I feel like that All The Time now! And its a beautiful feeling.  Except, aside from all my human relationships, this love will never leave me.  He will never get angry with me; he will never call me needy.  He loves me all the time - his eyes are always on me.  It only took me 21 years to realize it.  21 years! That sounds like a tragic love story, and in a way, it really was.  I was so focused on finding other people's love that I didn't seek out His Infinite Love.

     I always felt like I needed someone else to tell me I was loved - that I was needed.  And then I came to school, and somehow ended up at a Christmas party for a Christian fellowship - and I was determined that I was not going to have a good time, but that I was going to go home frustrated, not having met anyone new, and just in an overall bad mood.  But, that was not meant to be.  God put good friends in my path - friends that would lead me closer to Him.  I went home happy and encouraged like I had not expected to feel.  So I started praying, and reading my Bible.  And everywhere I looked, I saw that He loves me.

     I was just coming off a pseudo-relationship that had lasted two years and turned into all the wrong things.  So naturally, I was feeling unloved, unwanted and just miserable.  That's when it hit me - I don't need a man's love.  I need God's love.  It's only His love that can leave me fulfilled and happy.  And I started to seek Him out.  And now, I can't get enough.  Every night, I struggle to put down my Bible and go to sleep.  I pray until I fall asleep - every moment of every day, my thoughts are on Him.  I find it hard to concentrate on my schoolwork because my thoughts are always distracted by thoughts of Him.  But, I know that this is a good "distraction." My heart is occupied.  It is filled, and I no longer feel alone and empty!