Brokenness

     Brokenness.....there is so much brokenness in the world. My friends are facing it, I have faced it. Everyone has brokenness in their lives.

     It is entirely up to each person how they deal with the brokenness in their lives. I resisted it for a long time, and it only brought me more pain.  I thought I could deal with my pain and brokenness alone.  I could handle it. No one should have helped me. And then, I really broke down.  And some of you knew me then.....I was in a really bad place.

     A lot of the brokenness in my life came from relationships I had thrown myself into wholeheartedly. I was intent on making it work.  And it was all wrong.  God had other plans for me and I was resisting, trying to make my plans His plans.

     And then when I gave up on life, He was still there for me.  I fact, He was the only one there for me.  If only I had realized this sooner.

     I'm writing this for a particular friend.  One of these days, I'll reveal my the brokenness of my relationships to you.  (But that's a personal story that I only share in person! Wanna meet me and learn it? I'm open to it!)  

     One thing you should realize; that I really struggled with was the question of whether I was worth anyone's love.  I had been rejected enough I questioned whether I was worthy.  I had lost all self-confidence and self-worth.  At that point, I was getting my sense of worth from my relationship with others - men in particular.  And it was all wrong.  God is where I should have been achieving my self-worth. I should have pressed into Him like I am now.  I love the phrase "Our God is a jealous God." He is JEALOUS for me! How beautiful is that?  He wants me so much He is jealous! He is jealous when I give my time to other things.  He is jealous when I get caught up in my inter-personal relationships.  So now, I am taking it easy.  I am staying single for a while, and just simply enjoying having a personal relationship with my Savior.  I confide everything in my life to Him, all my concerns, all my insecurities, all my stresses.  It all goes to Him!

    When you reach that point of no return, He is the only one left for you.  When you reach that point, you'll see that even when you can't rely on your inter-personal relationships, you can ALWAYS rely on Him!